http://xanga.com/begging_for_mercy

i retire...

Today was okay I guess... Ah... but she suprised me w/ some SUBWAY... yup yup... lunch was good...

I can't help but feel so down... I mean.. things are slowly changing and thats what i hate most... ya'll just dont understand.. I fear that... next semester wil lbe different tho... A LOT different.... like last year different.. those were some of the best times of my life... and I miss em'... I started to tear up when I bought another Clone High DVD and popped it in to hear... "way, way back in the 1980's..."

I don't feel like doing much of anything today... I have h/w... I should study, AND I should do my Trig. Review but... nope, I will sit here, and just.... well, I dunno... I think ill go sleep...

bye everybody...

today during keyboarding class... and our sentences had to do with grandfather and on one I had to type the word "Pops".... I didn't want to, but I started to tear up... I just layed my head down... and tried to sleep, but Mr.Davies kept making me do the exercise... so b the end of class... I was set on sleeping to put my mind at ease...  so tired...

ugh, Mr. Royal is dumb... he's going to be shipped to Iraq after October... *evil grin* have fun Mr. ROyal...

Today I had my Senior retakes because my mom told me that I was ugly and that my pictures were bad... *rolls eyes* so whatever... maybe they'll  be better than the last ones... *shrugs*

I missed her call last night... I felt so bad b/c I missed it (b/c I was asleep)...ugh, i felt so baaaaaaad.. b/c i wanted to talk to her before I slept...  maybe tonight i'll be lucky... I miss her already...

I saw Megganbanana after school... and she gave me 2 megganbananas and a strawbunny starburst... "I say-ved um jus' so I culd giive yew sum of em"... haha her voice cracks me up...

I hate it at school... there's so many closets at our school... I know of atleast 3 girls and like 2 guys... like WE were talking about today... it pisses me off... like its insulting or something.... and people reactions to things like that DOESNT help... "OMG, YOU'RE GAY?!?!?!" and by next period the whole school knows about it... whatever, people are dumb and they make me mad...

I want some cool whip..."Reddi Whip".. it's in a can...

Things still just dont feel right w/o him around... everything feels so.... empty .

And why I am I so ugly... I dunno what it is... but I feel so ewww, gross... for example, even on my senior pictures... I'm getting RETAKES because my mom flat out told me they(me) were ugly... that should say somthing.. she's my mom, I guess she doesnt want me in the yearbook remembered as ugly...

doesnt matter what close I wear either.......... I'm just me... that's it, nothing special...

basketball is comming up and the new coach seems like a true bitch... *sarcasm* yeah, whoopie.... looks like a great season.. *rolls eyes*

is my hay-er!!! no, is mah fay-ce.... *pouts*too much ugly over hear...

but onto something that was beautiful...

"it was sunset, and the bright light from the sun, painted the blue sky such a soft orange, lit with the perfect shade of pink... outlined in purple clouds... i looked up and thought out loud... "this is beautiful."

*smiles* i loved it..

There's so much to say about my grandpa... and now he's layed to rest... the funeral was today and it was probably one of the hardest things I've done.. just to sit there, andhearing what people had to say... people I've NEVER met in my life telling me how they already knew so much about me because I was the "famous Rachel" that Bennie (my grandpa) ALWAYS talked about... and how proud of me he was... I'd start to cry... tears of joy of course... God, I miss him so much already...

"You've got your grandpa's smile.. that little sly grin. He always looke like he was up to something."

I've already caught myself dialing his number, or walking the trail to his house.. just to go see him... and my heart crumbles when I get about 1/2 way there and remember that no one will be there to greet me...

I wish I saw more of the "tibbetts" side of the family... I missed all of them, and seeing them all today reminded me so much of what a great family I really do have... there's so much more I could say... but I'll stop here...

The tears just keep building....

but one the last note... he was watching over his kids today... my 2 aunts and my dad were outside talking about pops and all, and ou came a rainbow over them... my Aunt Malinda looked up and said," Yea, we see you daddy, we know you're here with us..."

I love you pops... and I'm so lucky to have had you for a grandpa... I miss you so much already... just please.. accept me... watch over me... guide me... and walk by my side... because you'll always be in me heart... and you'll never be forgotten... I love you ...